I think I would fail as a blogger, seriously. My last post was in March, whut. So, my second year first semester went by like a breeze. I have to say, second year is shit. I never felt so tired and exhausted studying for exams. But I wasn't well prepared for finals, to be honest. For one of the subjects, I actually went into the hall without reading 3 lecture notes. I don't think I've been that under-prepared before.
Well, I didn't have a good time towards the end of the semester because my grades were dropping. I still pass, just not what I expected to score. When my seniors warned me about this particular lecturer saying her unit always had the highest failure rate, I didn't actually believe that the unit is that hard. Well, I've to say after going through one semester of it, it sucks. My internal was shit, scoring only a mere 20.8/30. It's a credit I know but I've always been aiming to achieve something better, like a distinction at least but obviously, ain't gona happen. I started to feel very very demotivated. I cried so much that my parents thought I was going through depression but I knew I wasn't. It's that feeling where 'I studied so much, yet I can't score' which I really hate. I had to talk to my parents, my close friends and of course the one person who would listen to me. My mum even asked if I would like to transfer back to Malaysia to continue my studies. Yes, it was that bad. But I know one thing, I will definitely regret if I were to transfer back because the university experience I gain there is still better than it is here. So, I started to let go after a while, started to look forward in life.
I realise that the past is the past no matter how much I dwell on it, there's no time machine to bring the time back for me to correct my mistake that I once made. So in week 12, my last week of the semester, I studied and pushed myself to do well for the 2 tests I had in that week and well, I scored quite well for the unit that I almost gave up on. Finals came and go, I dreaded to wake up each day during swot vac. My mood swings were crazy. One day I can feel super motivated to study, the next day I feel like shit again. But eventually, I got over it and I've to say I'm proud of myself to have not given up on any subjects and yet still pushed myself to achieve what I can in the end. For now, I'll just wait for my results to see what my efforts are worth. But, I've to say, its the toughest semester I've been through
